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- Synopsis: Watch Fifty Shades of Black online, free. In Fifty Shades of Black 2016 Putlocker Full Movie, An inexperienced college student meets a wealthy businessman whose sexual practices put a strain on their relationship.
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“This is for the little white girl in Fifty Shades of Grey!” Download game battlefield 4 full crack.
“Dakota Johnson?!”
“She didn’t have to be naked the whole movie! That shit was gratuitous!”
Couldn’t have expressed it better myself.
Fifty Shades of Black is a spazzy spoof of Fifty Shades of Grey. Welcome back the Wayans family for 2016, because they’re ready to send up E.L. James. Here’s a comedy that screams, stumbles, and startles, all in the name of working over a really long internet fan comment widely mistaken for a novel.
The outline pretty much follows the original film to the letter. Marlon Wayans, the most irascible of al Wayans, is Christian Black. He’s an enigmatic entrepreneur, who as he puts it made his money like any young black man: selling drugs. Black is an utter weirdo, a horned-up creature with sharp facial features and a tendency to euphemize literally anything that could be perceived as penile. He jams keys in and out and in then out and back in and out and on and on. He sucks on pieces of toast, all phallic and slobbering like an aroused St. Bernard. He flops his gigantic rubber blue balls to illustrate his desires. The joke is that Black’s a crazed hornball and a predator, get it? Black’s chasing after Hannah Steale (the very patient Kali Hawk), the frumpy, split-end sporting virgin of his sudden cravings, and he will stop at nothing to get her to sign a sex contract for his sex cauldron playtime. Wait, wasn’t this already a howl last year? Whereas Fifty Shades of Grey elicited nervous laughter through discomfort, Fifty Shades of Black ploughs away looking for the cheapest sex jokes it can find. Sometimes, it even scores. But not nearly often enough.
[Read: Where in the World Is the Wayans Family?]
Marlon, who also co-wrote the film, uses the James adaptation as a platform for roughly a couple hundred adolescent gags. Why joke-goof on a BDSM camp classic (it is, really), when there are bigger fish to fry in the maelstrom of recent popular films? Because Grey chases the easiest humor. Sex funnies. For starters, Black makes no bones about the less savory elements of Grey’s popularity and problems. Wayans challenges James’ prose by reading her book as a form of BDSM torture. Steale, as previously mentioned, questions the less-than-equitable nudityof last year’s film. The Black character even declares his stalker-dom and admits that he has pending lawsuits as a result. The game here is to shout very literally about what made Grey so tawdry and, uh, stupid.
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Fifty Shades of Black aims low (often at and around the crotch), and often fumbles around, missing its G-spot. That’s the gag-spot, perverts.
There are fake weiners, pratfalls, comparing ashen skin to that of E.T.’s when he was dead in a river. Wayans is even willing to take cheap but proud shots at Trump, Cosby, and the business of BDSM. Sometimes a great a joke is a simple and unexpected one, like Steale’s looks cracking a mirror, or names in a phone book like, “Christian Red, Christian Grey, Christian Black, Christian Black-As-Hell.” There’s also a lot of aggressive humping, lines about women being “bitches” or “skanks,” and even a forced morning after pill played for comedy. This, alas, is the film’s majority approach. The extended joke that Christian Grey was a creep is never lost, but it loses its stamina and turns routine fast. Marlon Wayans is clearly getting off on the gags, but the lazy, hard humor, and elastic joke-making eventually has a numbing effect.
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One quick, dumb, and truly honest question: do prosthetics count as nudity? Fifty Shades of Black is certainly a heavy comic R. Language, graphic sexual humor, Florence Henderson bemoaning penis sizes. But do prosthetic genitals really qualify as “graphic nudity” as the rating acknowledges? Google defines nudity as the state of being naked, and the presence of genitalia seems to suggest the “graphic” part, but is Marlon Wayans gluing astro turf over a rubber dongus actually nudity? It’s a question of depiction vs. illustration, perhaps, and what constitutes “the nude.” The audience knows Wayans’ business is not the real thing, and that’s part of the joke. Still can’t have a real dick in a movie, though. God forbid.
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At a minimum, a parody should be funnier than the film it’s sending up, but “Fifty Shades of Black,” a quick-and-dirty riff on last year’s S&M romance “Fifty Shades of Grey,” falls a laugh or two short of even that low standard. After wringing every last joke out of the “Paranormal Activity” movies with “A Haunted House” and its sequel, co-writer/star Marlon Wayans, co-writer Rick Alvarez and director Michael Tiddes handcuff themselves to the latest pop-culture phenomenon, but don’t have the requisite discipline for the material. It wouldn’t take much to tip the brittle kink of E.L. James’ fantasy into the realm of comedy — the movie itself did it occasionally, if not always intentionally — but the vulgar bigness of Wayans’ style blows right past deadpan. Nevertheless, though this dire outing won’t win Wayans any new fans, there’s still an audience eager to submit to his low-risk/high-yield formula for early-year spoofs.
“Fifty Shades of Black” follows the basic outlines of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” isolating half a dozen or more of its most talked-about scenes for parody. But Wayans isn’t willing to modify his broad, manic, anything-for-a-laugh schtick to approximate the buttoned-down stiffness of Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey. As Christian Black, the dapper entrepreneur of an ill-defined empire, Wayans starts the movie committing acts of serial thievery — an aspect of his character that’s immediately dropped — and goes on to account for the “six essential teeth” he lost smoking the crack he made his millions selling. Bondage fetish aside, his Christian is defined by whatever such random traits seem to pop into the filmmakers’ minds.
As Hannah Steele, Kali Hawk has significantly more in common with Dakota Johnson’s coquettish Anastasia, including the dowdy clothes, the beat-up Volkswagen and the part-time job at the hardware store, but even her modesty is amplified grotesquely. It’s not enough that Hannah is plain — she’s so ugly she shatters mirrors. And it’s not enough that Hannah is awkward — she crashes into doors and gets her head smashed repeatedly in elevator doors. Between pratfalls like these and the whippings and humiliation in Christian’s “playroom,” Hawk endures more abuse than Jennifer Jason Leigh in “The Hateful Eight.”
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Mirroring the setup of James’ story, “Fifty Shades of Black” sends Hannah to downtown Seattle to interview Christian after her roommate, a journalist for the college newspaper, falls ill. The twist here is that her more sexually experienced roommate, Kateesha (Jenny Zigrino), is sick with chlamydia and behaves at all times like a filthy castoff from an early John Waters comedy. Hannah and Christian do enough flirting in his office to prompt a follow-up encounter at the hardware store, where they express their mutual arousal on a pencil and a package of cable ties, respectively. Once Christian finally brings the virginal Hannah into his world of kink, she discovers his embarrassing shortcomings as a lover and he discovers that her appetite for S&M exceeds his own. When it comes time to negotiate a Tolstoy-length sexual contract, she keeps adding perversions that never occurred to him.
Such clever little ironies are in short supply in the movie, but the see-what-sticks approach does yield a couple of hits for every hundred misses, including a rack of whips that reference those used in Hollywood slave dramas and Florence Henderson’s game turn as a dominatrix version of J.K. Simmons in “Whiplash.” Appearances by such old hands as Jane Seymour as Christian’s racist adoptive mother and Fred Willard as her unsavory husband are no less committed to the jokes, but when those jokes nod tastelessly to Stand Your Ground or Black Lives Matter or extreme sexual deviance, comic professionalism alone can’t bail them out.
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For a spoof that cannot focus on its target for more than a few seconds at a time, the only consistent element of “Fifty Shades of Black” is its hostility toward women, who are condemned as either prudish or promiscuous. Wayans tries to counter Hannah and Kateesha by playing a sexually inadequate buffoon, but the movie makes their degradation an ongoing concern, aiming jibes at their disgusting, smelly bodies and punishing Hannah for assuming she deserves better treatment from her new lover.
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The only possible excuse is that Wayans and company seems to have no evident control over what they want “Fifty Shades of Black” to be, other than a teeming repository of half-baked set pieces and pop-culture shoutouts. There are jokes about Bill Cosby and Wesley Snipes’ tax problems, a wink to Kim Kardashian’s “Break the Internet” photo shoot, and quotes from an assortment of Cuba Gooding Jr. movies. At few points will the makers of “Fifty Shades of Grey” feel the sting of Wayans’ satirical whip. He and his team are too easily distracted.